Time is a loop between nirvana and disassociation
My body resorts to nothingness, ample in scarcity.
I burned off my taste buds but I can’t get rid of my fingertips.
10 years went by so fast but still days drag on.
I’m counting down for the apocalypse,
for sheer nothing to consume everything,
but it just fucking waits.
What was the fruit that saved the old man’s life?
What tree do I need to climb to find it?
I am the protagonist here, I dug my own grave,
but it’s so hard to lay in it.
Yes, I dug it, but someone else
needs to plow the earth over me.
I created my own hell,
I flew too high to the sun,
I grazed the fire too many times.
It finally burned me.
Do you really think I don’t know
how to hurt myself better than anyone else?
I set the obstacle course,
and now I suffer when no one can pass it.
I’m copying what was set forth for me.
Do you not see that?
I’ll continue to write shitty verses,
to sing of loves that never existed,
to buy joy on borrowed money.
-fleeting, never ending, time-
To chase fantasies of delusion,
of scripted feelings,
of staged moments,
the ones that counted,
the ones that were real,
were gritty, putrid, wretched
scenes of harsh realism.
That’s what you said,
your eyes not locked with mine.
I was here in Beirut,
in Mexico City,
in Fez, in Berlin,
in Paris,
even in Budapest.
I was a wet cigarette?
I have been a cliche.
My love was a wet cliche,
a sopping heap,
an unfixable mess,
a damaged feat,
a toxic romp, an abusive rehash,
that’s what you said,
your eyes hidden from sight.
God, why can’t it just pass through me?
Like the wine,
like the nervous shakes,
like the joy?
Sucked straight out of me,
with no one’s permission!
I too wanted to be a tender bud,
not an unbending branch,
but why can’t you see that
they never planned this for me?
I had to grow the way I did,
I had to do it to survive.
The bud would have been trampled.
The branch still blooms, though,
Why can’t you see that?
I’m no poet laureate,
and I never will be.
I’m a slighted, faded wino,
with a hint of charm in their eyes,
my harsh pursed lips
dissolve into a half smile,
my eyes glaze over,
what am I thinking about?
