Prophylactic Life

by Ira Lupu from Stanfordville, NY

Last November, a fortune-teller told me that Aquariuses will spend some time in 2020 in isolation and self-contemplation. I sniffed ironically; my life back then was so packed, and the forthcoming graduation looked ominous.

One call in the first week of lockdown, and I’m heading upstate to a kind friend’s farm. When self-isolating in a guest house, I started experiencing chills and shortness of breath. My Ukrainian insurance company denied any support. I packed my small red backpack to go to the local ER, gloomily thinking of starting a fundraising campaign to pay the hospital bill. Another sudden call, now from a person who wasn’t talking to me for weeks. He convinced me it was not pneumonia but my first real panic attack.

The next day, I put my head in a cold creek and it felt good.

Despite the dark undertone, my life now is prophylactic. Global news and Zoom classes boil my brain, but then I meet a limping skunk, or a groundhog, or (my favorite) a chipmunk. I might not see my loved ones for months, but farmer Mark brings us flowers.

Yesterday, I reenacted a sad Eastern European cam girl who I’ve stumbled upon while surfing Chaturbate for my thesis project. I turned on the 90’s Russian pop music she was listening to. I hugged the giant toy panda and closed my eyes. The forecast for Aquariuses came true: I finally felt self-contemplative.

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