Back to Where I Thought I'd Escaped
by Lauren Taubenfeld from Guaynabo, Puerto Rico
This body of work is a response to the events surrounding the coronavirus pandemic through my own experience. I had already been unemployed for some time when Covid struck New York City where I’ve been living for the past 10 years. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression and recently had endured some mild heart break. Being unemployed and being surrounded with so much sickness and death certainly wasn’t helping matters. As a depressive, I may claim that I enjoy isolating, but it began to take a toll on my mental health. I selfishly used the pandemic as an excuse to self isolate, not have to work or leave my apartment. Eventually, I was fortunate enough to be able to make the decision to move back in temporarily with my parents back in Puerto Rico where I grew up, somewhere I’d never thought I’d end up again.
Covid was less rampant in Puerto Rico at the time and I thought it might help for me to be around people otherwise known as my family. Things started looking up for me and I realized that this pandemic could be a good time to reevaluate my life. I missed New York, and I feared sickness and death; I wondered if I’d ever get to see my grandparents again. I included this older image of my grandfather sleeping from a previous body of work into this one (a common practice for me) because the photo was once used to represent an element of sickness and unconsciousness which I equate to somewhat of a temporary death. I also included a recently developed photograph of my friend who died of a heroin overdose two years ago just one week before he passed. I’ve included this photograph because his mental state seems fitting but also due to the fact that I lost a second close friend to a heroin overdose due to quarantine induced boredom that lead to a relapse. I don’t have any photographs of him so I use this one symbolically to commemorate them and the dying.
This pandemic in some ways is the temporary demise of the world; but with death comes birth, and with re-birth comes change. As artists, we need to be the change we want to see in the world. Whether it be the growing respect for health care workers, feelings surrounding self-isolation, or even the hobbies that help us escape the stresses of modern life, each piece reflects this time in history. Making portraits teaches me to look and feel things on a deeper level which inherently demands empathy.
I can’t help but feel that the most important variable that’s responsible for taking a good portrait is intimacy and empathy. This, of course, is subjective but it’s hard to imagine you can make an emotionally compelling portrait without the ability to perceive underlying emotion in others to then translate onto a photograph. These images depict loved ones of mine isolating at home during this quarantine period. The resulting portraits offer unique access into my subjects’ private lives and captures the mental state this current pandemic has caused. While sheltering in place, these have been challenging times, but I’ve chosen to take this time for personal growth and introspection. The truth is that pictures, more specifically portraits, serve as documents of a time and hold memory; we don’t know how long we’ll be around for, thus I’ve always chosen to photograph those I love.
